Inner Personal Advice: April 2012

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I'm 39 years old a hairstylist, and I love to blog, read blogs, and learning new things! I do check who likes anything on my social media's if I am able(some don't give me the ability to view the likes) to and I will go check out your stuff as well :)

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Sunday, April 29, 2012

Love...and my beliefs!

When it comes to a man loving a woman or the other way around. I believe they will change themselves, if that person really makes them happy and really feel worth the fight to help better themselves to make that person happy! Because it isn't just about making ourselves happy, it's about making someone else feel what we feel because we are happy in knowing we feel this way.

When we work hard, look happy, feel happy, than we must have found love somewhere. Be it in another person, or with ourselves...When that happens, our views change on life, we appreciate everything more! We are grateful for finding love, for the life we have, for the things we own and will own later in life, grateful for what others aren't so fortunate enough to have. We are just appreciative of life and everything within it. Everything seems a blessings, children seem a precious gift...as they are suppose to feel like.

Falling in love is not hard for some, yet very challenging for others. Perhaps those who find falling in love easy, only think that because they find it easy to like others. Maybe it isn't just about love for them? I find it hard to understand how someone can fall in love so quickly. For I find it very hard to do, but I don't find it hard to like someone. Love is a challenging emotion to express, it's not an easy subject to talk about for me. Yet, there are times when I say things, I question myself about and wonder if maybe, I am just confused about it all.

I don't like being in love, because it usually ends up being I am the one who gets hurt. So when someone says they are in love with me, I don't believe them. Usually because there are signs, they don't, that are there. This is why I don't let myself get too attached, and stay my distance. It might seem wrong or unhealthy to others, but it is a safety mechanism for me.

I don't want to fall in love, I don't want to be in love, yet I sometimes envy seeing others, in love. If that makes sense...I have always dreamed about, someone saying I was their everything. That they loved me so much that they would do anything for me, they fight for me, lie for me...I would never ask anyone to die for me..."Everything I do it for you - Byran Addams" that is a great song to express love. I HAVE DREAMED THAT! But I would love to live that. Yet I say all the time I do not want to fall in love and I don't want to be in love. Because Honestly...Love hurts.

I am rambling...Sorry about that. I just thought I would share one of my views and beliefs of love. Maybe it's because, I haven't had someone propose, nor actually say they love me and mean it. Besides a family member or my child. I often wonder if I am worthy of being loved, yet I know I am. Am I worth the fight?

If I felt like I had be in competition with someone else, I'd drop out of the race, because if I was truly loved, that person wouldn't expect that of me...you know because they'd love me back. I wont fight if they love someone else and spend more time with that person. In that sense, I'd feel I'd already lost. So it isn't worth fighting for if I don't feel I am even on the list. It's a pointless fight in a paper bag if you'd asked me.

Does she love you back? How about showing her!!

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Saturday, April 28, 2012

Relationships...A personal look.

I have been looking at my personal experiences lately, on relationship woes. Now I don't say woes because it's been many relationships and they all were bad. No! I am saying, I have a hard time being open in them, and also that I had a long unhappy relationship that taught me many things. No I haven't had many to be honest, and no I haven't experienced many sexual relationships. I did however learn a great deal about people and their ways.

I like to put myself.."in a sense" in other peoples shoes, in order to try to see things from many angles, of life in general in, order to best understand others better. And this is why I don't like to judge others. I do however state things that may sound like I am judging them, but please put this thought out of your mind as I am just showing different facts and points of view. It might seem like mind reading in a way. But by all means, please only see it as observation and knowing how to read between the lines.

Now on to the issues and facts at hand. I want all to know this isn't me putting anyone down...It's just showing what I know intuitively and stating them textually for all to see.

#1- I have huge trust issues! HUGE! The further info, comes to play on my WHY's I do have such huge trust issues...and this is just from a non-family relationship view.

#2- I tend to sense that they want to change me, this causes me to feel a bit standoff-ish and a little resentful to that person or myself.
Let me go a bit into detail with this one with some personal experience, without names involved and just simply "experience".

I was seeing someone for a short time, things were okay. I am always shy, and keep myself emotionally at a distance for my own protection! Gradually we got to know a little bit about each other, with me as usual keeping what is needed to myself...Yet at the same time letting myself show.

My problem..They would compliment me all the time, which was very annoying to me, as well as showing me they might have only one thing in mind.. It's something I don't expect and not something I like. Sure I like compliments, but after a while of holding myself back...These compliments only seemed like a way of them trying to smooth talk their way into getting what they wanted from me. You see I hold out. I don't have sex with anyone, and I am holding off until I know the person wants me for me.

The many compliments also came with, "you should do your make-up", and "you should put streaks in your hair", or "you should..whatever." .."Change yourself to please me" is what I hear after these ....See what I mean now? Huge problem! I wont change for anyone!

They also commented on how "this body part is so much different from this ex or that ex...*STOP SIGN* ..I'm thinking "WHAT?" .."No you didn't!" ...So you see another HUGE PROBLEM there.

#3- Sex...I have to be there in order to want it, I am not like other females. I hold off until I know they want me for me. Sure I played, I kissed. That is as far as I go, I wont put out if you state very clearly with all your compliments that it really isn't "me" you want, it is actually just what my body can pleasurably offer you. NO THANKS!

Am I too judgmental on that? Whether you say yes or no, wont matter either way, BECAUSE...I don't feel I am.

They play video games ALL THE TIME! I hate games, I don't play games, furthermore...I don't like feeling like I should feel like competition to a silly game system. I experienced that already with my son's father, I don't need it from someone I don't really care that much for. I liked them, but I never loved them, they told me they loved me..Yet I called them at work ONCE and they sounded irritated. And they called me from their work many times, Yet when I wasn't there to answer the call...ONCE, they sounded irritated. That to me indicates Possessiveness! I have been there, done that before...Not going to need to experience that again! Lived it, learned it...Next!

#4- I wait for no man who seems to show any of these signs stated above! If someone shows me (whether they know, they are or not!) that they want to change me, make me one of their possessions, and or a pleasure tool, I wont be sticking around to have it accomplished like some dumb-a** girl who is lonely probably would. I don't get lonely in that sense, I don't need a man to fill some void of loneliness...As I stated above I am VERY DIFFERENT! 

I only change for myself. I will never change for anyone as I don't feel anyone else should. We can only be ourselves and change for ourselves. I love constructive criticism, but I will not be criticized in an insulting manner!

#5- Testing their feelings towards me...I am so bad for this! You see I am so bad for this one, and since I am female, I have to admit, I can be a tease sometimes. But I only tease in order to learn more. I don't do it to hold someone, I don't do it for some hidden motives..unless you see it as such lol because I am sure you probably could judging on how it seems. I pretended like I wanted to change them and that they shouldn't or should do this to make me happy.

But I really do not want to change anyone, I just test them to see their reaction. If I like or love someone, them being themselves is all I want! If they have bad habits I will suggest maybe changing that part of themselves, for themselves...but not for me...We can only change for ourselves, so depending on the situation, stating something should change is a simple suggestion and or a critical judgement or wanting them to change for me.

I wouldn't put out, and after being in the relationship kind of thing. After some playing around. I told them to get "protection"...They seemed excited...You know I had planned on breaking it off before this point came to it's face. But I stuck it out, just to test my instincts and prove them right.

They didn't have money when I suggested getting protection, furthermore they asked me in a funny tone if I was serious about them buying some. ...Not if I was serious about putting out...Serious about the fact that they had wear protection. ..So another sign shows it's ugly face, you following me yet? On another note I'd like to add when I had stated my feelings on these things, this person acted as if I didn't know what I was talking about...hence showing another sign that I was right in my gut feelings.

All signs are right there in the open, I was asked out purely for my looks, not for who I was as a person. But for what I had as a female. If you're a teen reading this right now, please if you do not want to get hurt...Hold out for the right guy...Most guys will show most if not all of these "player" signs. And just because they would be willing to be with you a long time and for a long term relationship, doesn't mean these types of guys wont cheat and try it on the nest girl or your best friend(maybe that's another topic for the future).. They pretend to be all shy...Yet you see them act differently, towards others, you know, they know.

There were violent moments of jealously shown as well, that I OBSERVED. But I wont post them here. As this is just for others "to learn that to observe is to also absorb" and learn from!

Being in love with and thinking of someone else didn't help the situation either!!!
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I wanted to share these experiences, in hopes that other people having these things happen and see them for what they are can learn from my advice and explanation of how a person can behave and how you should see the signs before it's too late to get away!

I am all for helping anyone get out of a dangerous situation if I can help it!
Now don't get me wrong, I know there are great men out there, I just felt the need to state some facts because of people in my life not seeing the full picture for what it is...I wont settle and I wont be with someone to please someone else.

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Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Two new topics of discussion, judging a book by it's cover...and holding onto unhappy relationships

Two new topics of discussion: Some advice and some personal experience.

First topic of judging a book by it's cover...

It's hard to judge someone by a first impressions, some people are shy, some people have a hard time with words...I have seen me meet someone for the first time and think they were not the type I'd hang out with or have in common...but as time went on I learned a little more and realized First impressions AREN'T always that important! 

The biggest meanest looking person, could end up being the sweetest person you could ever meet! So when I hear that first impressions mean everything...I don't agree, because it really all depends. Some people could have had a bad day and you met them afterwards and found they made you feel a bit uneasy, but seen them again later in the week and they were so much different than you had initially thought. 

"It's a two sided coin YOU CAN'T DEPEND ON!" Don't base your choices on a small shiny little round piece of metal. Listen to your heart, for the most part...Always listen to that first initial feeling, it just might save a life.
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Second topic LONELINESS and holding onto unhappy relationships...

I heard these high school students talking the other day,  They didn't look very old so I am going to assume they were in their second year. One of the girls was talking about how she was holding on to an ex that she didn't really care for anymore...But she was holding on to him because she didn't want to be alone, she also stated they didn't make her happy.

This got me thinking..what a great topic to discuss on my blog. I mean, I have opinions, but I minded my own business and didn't listen anymore.

Some people hold onto unhappy relationships because they don't want to be alone! Be Happy...No matter who you're with, it needs to be with who makes you happy...why hold on to something that doesn't make you happy? (I'm not saying this for personal reasons) If you can't be happy with someone, should you hold on to them? In the long run, I don't think either person would be happy and could lose the chance for real happiness!

Time and again this happens all over, there is just something that makes them hold on. I've been guilty of this, I will admit, but I also know that I am not the only one! My reason is different from the next and so is the next different for the next after that. Either way we hold on to someone because we don't want to be miserable and lonely. 

The reason why I said my reason is different is, I stayed with someone a very long time and had very little moments of happiness. I stayed mainly for the reason I didn't know anything else, I wasn't afraid of loneliness. I was with someone from the time I was 17 until I was about 29! I hadn't know anything about living without them on living on my own. That's a long time and at a very young age to begin a long relationship. I honestly didn't know anything else. 

Que the song "Landslide by Stevie Nicks" ;). That song ALWAYS reminds me of that relationship and how far I have come since leaving...I am better off and don't regret leaving. It made a lot of people unhappy with my choice, but also made others look up to me for it, because I have been a single mom for 4 years now. It's not easy, but I am doing it! It gets easier because of personal adjustments to the change through time.


Sure I miss having someone I can hold, in that special way, but I didn't have much of that with them either. The love in that relationship had died...it had been years since I had a real passionate kiss. This coming from a person who doesn't like to show too much affection. lol
So why stay if you're unhappy? If it's not working for a month or even years, is it worth fighting for, if you feel like your the only one who cares that it's an unhappy situation? One sided relationships aren't worth the fight in my opinion!

I think the girl should have just let go of the guy she was holding onto, because of the fear of being alone. Being alone isn't that bad, we can all adjust. Even when it hurts, we just need our closest friends there for encouragement and support! Our true friends are always there when they are needed, and the ones who aren't wont be.
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Well have a great day everyone!
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What's your thoughts?

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Tuesday, April 17, 2012

A BUSY week so far!

Well...
It's been a busy week so far and it's only Tuesday! But The weekend made it seem longer, my child was sick with a stomach bug, so I had lots of mommy things to do. I have been walking a lot, to and from everywhere. I am feeling pooped...

I had a rough night last night, but I am feeling fine now, I got some house work done, and other stuff done, but I feel I have neglected posting online! NOT on purpose though! I have just been busy, busy, busy!

I like being a closed book. And I guess after I opened it; I got what I got, because I opened it.. which I don't normally do. I think I will keep it under lock and key from now on!

From now, on I am only telling what I feel like telling and keep my feelings out of the matter, unless it is deserved or needed. I don't need a man anyway. I sure miss my father a lot though. He always made me feel better; when I'd cry, he'd talk to me and if I wouldn't tell him what was wrong, he would think of another way in order to cheer me up! And he did try hard too, because once I am mad or upset it is hard to get me out of it. Well it was anyway.

He would talk to me, or give me a big bear hug, and if that didn't work he would get up to pretend he was walking away and pretend he stubbed his toe or something like that to make me laugh :)...He always found a way to cheer me up. I miss him so much these days. But "I always know" he is always with me in heart!

Well it's almost bed time and I have other blogs to update as well, you all have a wonderful week and night!


Friday, April 13, 2012

Taking our own advice!!

I just wanted to share a bit of information about my thoughts on advice! I have been told many times, that I am very wise for my age and that I usually give great advice...I like to think so, but I also know that I am not always so good at taking my own advice. Isn't it funny we are all like that I think, we are always good at giving speeches and advice, but tend to not follow such great advice ourselves.

Don't get me wrong here, I know we can be very good at taking our own advice, but there are times when people tell us, "Practice what you preach!" ...I am sure you have heard that phrase, I have heard it, have had it said to me and I have said it to others over the years.

For years I have given my opinion (aka advice), and have had some people actually take it in consideration and have had even some of them actually go with it and do great for themselves! I have been called a life saver, an old soul and I have also been called intelligent! I must admit, they can be ego boosters, but I like to tell people to try to be in charge of that ego before if gets away with ya!

I'd like to talk about the ego for a moment...
Ego is great, BUT it's also dangerous...What I mean is that, our ego gives us confidence, but with too much confidence...Yes I said too much confidence, there is such a thing believe me! People with too much confidence can get themselves into loads of trouble! 

Look at Criminals... some of them get away with so much and don't even care about the consequences...Some of them don't even have a conscious I don't think. I am not insulting the criminals, I am just stating that I think they listen to their ego too much(too much confidence) and get into trouble.

I have noticed if my ego get too big I get smart, yet do dumb things and that is what I mean about ego. People can compliment us too much and make our ego's expand like a balloon and in doing so we end up not seeing beyond that big balloon others so kindly filled up for us.

That's about all I have to say today, at least I actually was feeling up to the posting, I like that!




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Tuesday, April 10, 2012

About advice!...

Lately I have been a bit down, maybe it's because spring has sprung, but winter keeps peeking in on us and throwing some snow and hail or whatever cold that just must come...It's depressing, it's spring and I love Spring! I do love all the seasons in their own way, but I also get tired of them if they have worn out their welcome..mainly winter of course ;)

So I guess I am blogging because I wanted to say, lately I haven't been feeling very opinionated enough to post! I don't feel those advice juices flowing, like I did when I first created this blog.

I am working on sites and keeping busy with that, as mentioned before!

I have another blog I have been working on as well...And a private one for personal ranting lol...And that's all been keeping me quite busy. It's been taking most, if not all, of my me time...Which I don't mind so much, because it is a nice distraction from having the winter blues vs the spring time embrace, mixed all into one. It's like a roller-coaster of seasonal war or something at times...One day it is beautiful spring and the next day could be the same or freezing cold and getting sick with pneumonia, watching a snow storm. I am sure the birds must be utterly confused.

I've just been lost for words when it comes to writing an advice blog lately...I apologize for the lack of postings that could have been existent!

On that note, I hope you all have a wonderful week!
Blessings to all and have a great night!

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter everyone, who should happen upon this blog today!
Here is something for everyone to read!
 
Easter (Old English: Ēostre; Greek: Πάσχα, Paskha; Aramaic: פֶּסחא‎ Pasḥa; from Hebrew: פֶּסַח‎ Pesaḥ) is a Christian feast and holiday celebrating the resurrection of Jesus Christ on the third day after his crucifixion at Calvary as described in the New Testament. Easter is preceded by Lent, a forty-day period of fasting, prayer, and penance. The last week of Lent is called Holy Week, and it contains the days of the Easter Triduum, including Maundy Thursday, commemorating Maundy and the Last Supper, as well as Good Friday, commemorating the crucifixion and death of Jesus. Easter is followed by a fifty-day period called Eastertide or the Easter Season, ending with Pentecost Sunday. The festival is referred to in English by a variety of different names including Easter Day, Easter Sunday, Resurrection Day and Resurrection Sunday.

Easter is a moveable feast, meaning it is not fixed in relation to the civil calendar. The First Council of Nicaea (325) established the date of Easter as the first Sunday after the full moon (the Paschal Full Moon) following the northern hemisphere's vernal equinox. Ecclesiastically, the equinox is reckoned to be on 21 March (even though the equinox occurs, astronomically speaking, on 20 March in most years), and the "Full Moon" is not necessarily the astronomically correct date. The date of Easter therefore varies between 22 March and 25 April. Eastern Christianity bases its calculations on the Julian calendar whose 21 March corresponds, during the 21st century, to 3 April in the Gregorian calendar, in which the celebration of Easter therefore varies between 4 April and 8 May.

Easter is linked to the Jewish Passover by much of its symbolism, as well as by its position in the calendar. In many languages, the words for "Easter" and "Passover" are etymologically related or homonymous. Easter customs vary across the Christian world, but attending sunrise services, exclaiming the Paschal greeting, clipping the church and decorating Easter eggs, a symbol of the empty tomb, are common motifs. Additional customs include egg hunting, the Easter Bunny, and Easter parades, and are observed by both Christians and non-Christians.

You can find the full write up here at wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Easter

I hope everyone has a very Happy Easter! 
Many Blessings to all

Saturday, April 7, 2012

What do you think of this quote?

I just found this...wow! Leave a comment and tell me what you think!

July 24 2009-*Ann M Jackson*

Do you take a chance and get to know someone...without judgement?

"Those who judge a book by it's cover will only know liars, those who give people a chance to get to know them... know that some people are nervous and not themselves at first! So judge they book by it's contents and get to know them within, for the cover may look nice or bad at first but you only know what's in side by taking the time to look within!"


Sunday, April 1, 2012

Update!

I know I am late on posting a new blog, as I said a couple weeks ago I would post a new one! However, I have a few sites I have been working on, and one of them has more than 10 pages! I have been very busy updating webpages and fixing broken links, as well as adding a few surprises :)

So I thought since I had a spare moment from doing that, from being sick as well as being a mom and going to school half days everyday of the week. I have been a bit busy. So now I am finally posting...Just as an update, and to apologize for not posting anytime sooner!

Have a great week!

PS-I shall return once I have things fixed and updated to my liking!